4. Shattered

Ahana

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Kabir hadn't spoken to me in two whole days.

Two days since that night, Since I scratched his face. Since I pushed him away....I felt like... everything has changed between us.

Was he avoiding me? Or had his feelings begun to fade? Maybe it wouldn't be surprising... not after the way I reacted. But still, it hurts. Every hour of silence from him carved deeper into my chest.

Why did I react like that? Why did I let fear take over?

I kept asking myself the same questions, over and over. Why did I push him away so harshly? Why did I have to leave a mark on his skin like that? But as guilty as I felt a part of me couldn't help but wonder... couldn't he have tried to understand?

He knew me...he knew I wasn't comfortable with things going too far. Yes, we kissed. Yes, we held each other. But for me, that was the line. I couldn't go beyond that. It didn't feel right. In fact, it felt suffocating.

Because for me, being physical isn't about giving in to a moment. It's about surrendering something sacred. It's about letting someone all the way in, about trust at its purest. It's not about the act, it's about the meaning behind it. It's about asking my permission. My consent. And that meaning... I want it to come only after marriage. After commitment. After I'm sure that it's forever.

Of course I love Kabir. I trust him more than anyone else. But that... that part of me, I'm not ready to give it yet. Not even to him.

I spent the entire day caught in a whirlwind of thoughts. Minutes bled into hours and before I knew it the sky outside had turned from bright blue to a dusky gray. I kept reliving the moment, picking apart every detail, every word I said, every expression he gave.

Did I misread the situation? Did I overreact?

I hated this uncertainty. The silence. The not knowing. It was eating away at me.

Finally, I stood up brushing away the guilt and fear clinging to me like cobwebs. I couldn't sit here any longer, trapped in my own mind. I needed to see him. I needed to explain, to make him understand what I couldn't say that night.

A surprise visit would work, I thought in my mind.

I imagined him opening the door, his eyes widening when he saw me. Would he be angry? Cold? Or would he pull me into a hug like nothing had changed?

I didn't know. But I had to try.

With a deep breath, I opened my closet and picked out a soft pink kurti and my favorite pair of jeans. Simple and Comfortable.

I braided my hair neatly over one shoulder and dabbed on a touch of lipstick, then I grabbed my phone, stuffed it into my bag and headed downstairs.

My mind was too busy rehearsing what I'd say to mumma where I was going and in that process I bumped into someone.

"Ouch" I gasped, instinctively reaching up to rub my forehead.

When I looked up, to see the person and it was no other than, "Bhaiya."

He stood in front of me, dressed in one of his usual dark navy blue tailored suit with crisp white shirt and polished shoes. Always so composed. But today, something felt different, his jaw was tight...his eyes usually calm, carried something unspoken.

He looked at me closely, taking in my hurried breath and the bag slung across my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly, noticing the way his hands were clenched at his sides.

He gave a brief nod. "Yes. Are you going somewhere?"

My throat tightened. "Yes, Bhaiya, I... I'm going to meet a f-friend" I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I hated how nervous I sounded under his gaze.

He stared at me for a moment, unreadable and then nodded slowly. "Okay then, come with me. I'll drop you."

I hesitated, caught off guard. "You don't have to-"

"It's fine." he cut in gently. "Let's go."

I bent down to put on my shoes, still uncertain about how to respond when a familiar voice rang out from the hallway.

"Daivik beta, are you going somewhere?"

Mumma's gentle voice came from behind.

Bhaiya turned toward her with practiced ease. "Yes, Mom. I have some urgent work. I'll be back a little late, don't wait for me."

She nodded easily, used to his long hours and sudden errands.

But then her eyes shifted to me and her tone changed.

"Okay, but Ahana! where do you think you're going?"

Her voice wasn't loud but it was sharp.

"I... I was just..." My voice trailed off, useless.

Before I could gather my thoughts, Bhaiya stepped in, "She's coming with me, Ma. She'll be back in an hour or two" he said smoothly.

Mumma studied us for a second, then simply nodded.

As we stepped out into the cool air, I glanced up at him, grateful but still uncertain.

"Thank you" I murmured.

He didn't look at me. Just opened the car door and said, "Let's go."

The car ride was silent, the kind of silence that echoed louder than any words. Bhaiya's eyes stayed fixed on the road, his jaw tight, fingers gripping the steering wheel just a bit too hard.

The tension between us was thick, stretching through the space like an invisible wall. I stared out of the window, watching the city blur past. My mind was already racing ahead to what I'd say to Kabir, how I'd explain myself, how he'd listen, pull me into a hug and tell me everything was okay.

After what felt like forever, the car finally slowed and came to a gentle stop.

"Is this the place?" Bhaiya asked, glancing at me.

"Yes, Bhaiya. Thank you for dropping me" I said quickly, already fumbling for the door handle.

He didn't say anything more, just gave me one last look before leaving from there.

I stood rooted at the same place until his car faded at a distance then I turned toward Kabir's house.

My heart was thudding with nervousness, hope and fear.

Finally, after all this silence, after all those unspoken words we are going to talk. Fix things up.

I walked up the steps and tried the door and it unlocked.

"Uff, this guy." I muttered, shaking my head as I stepped inside. He really needed to be more careful. Anyone could just walk in.

There was no one in the hall, maybe he is in his room.

I moved silently down the hallway, my fingers brushed the wall for balance. My footsteps were light and silent but inside me, excitement was building again. I imagined the surprise on his face. The way his eyes would soften. The way he'd pull me into his arms and say my name like it was the only word he knew.

But just as I reached his room, I stopped, A familiar voice came from inside.

It's... it's DIYA.

My heart pounded in my chest as I pushed the door open, my hands were trembling uncontrollably.

The moment my eyes landed on them, everything inside me shattered. It would have hurt less to be stabbed than to witness this.

There, on the bed Kabir and Diya were nearly naked, entwined in a passionate kiss. Their bodies pressed together in a way that made the air feel suffocating, the intimacy between them so raw, so consuming that they didn't even notice me standing in the doorway.

His back it...it....was marked with red nails scratches deep and claiming the imprints of someone else. Someone who wasn't me.

It felt like my world had shattered in an instant, every dream I had built with him turning to dust at my feet.

Tears came from my eyes hot and relentless, streaming down my face like a flood I couldn't control. They blurred my vision. The pain was too sharp, too raw to stop. My chest tightened with each breath, the air thick and suffocating as if the ground beneath me had given way and I was falling and falling with nothing to hold on to. I wanted to scream, to shatter everything in my path but all I could do was stand there, paralyzed by the ache in my heart.

"K... Kabir" I whispered, my voice barely audible trembling like a leaf in a storm. The name felt foreign on my tongue now, torn from my chest with such force I thought I might collapse right there.

My throat was raw, every breath a struggle. My hands shook violently like they were trying to hold onto something, to stop me from crumbling. It swept over me like an ice-cold wave, numbing me, spinning me, leaving me dizzy and disoriented.

I couldn't stand. My knees buckled beneath me. The weight of everything was too much to carry. I reached out blindly as my fingers grabbed the edge of a table violently, desperate to keep myself upright but honestly it didn't matter, I was already falling.

The vase on the table tipped over and crashed to the floor. The sound of shattering glass filled the space between us like an explosion. The silence that followed was so thick, so suffocating, it felt like it might swallow me whole.

Only then, only when the vase seemed to break into pieces they looked up.

Kabir's eyes met mine first and the look in them was a mixture of shock and panic. His face went pale, in that instant.

Diya gasped, her body jerking away from him like she was caught in a moment of shame too great to hide. Her hands fumbled with the bedsheet desperately pulling it around her half naked body. Her face was flushed with embarrassment.

Kabir scrambled clumsy and frantically as if dressing faster could undo the reality that had just crashed into us. His hands shook as he tried to pull on his pants, each movement more desperate than the last. But to me? It didn't matter. Nothing could change what I'd seen...nothing could take back what had already broken between us.

I stood there silently looking at the drama unfolding before me. I felt my body went numb with the weight. I couldn't move. My heart pounded so loudly I thought I might hear it echo through the room. The disgust for both of them twisted inside me— sharp and bitter. So bitter I could taste it on my tongue.

I couldn't look away from the man I thought I knew, the man I had loved as he scrambled to cover up his betrayal.

He took a hesitant step toward me, his eyes pleading with desperation. "S...see Ahana... it's not what it looks like" he stammered... his voice trembled as he reached out for my hand.

His touch which once felt like a comfort, a safe place now feels like fire searing my skin even from a distance.

I slapped his hand away with force. The sound of it sliced through the heavy silence like a thunderclap. My voice with a raw fury and heartbreak, rang out jagged and full of pain. "Don't you dare touch me!" I barely recognized the woman who spoke those words but in that moment I hated him so much I could feel the rage burning through me.

I turned to Diya then, the person who had destroyed every shred of trust I had left. "A...And Diya... why?" My voice cracked and the tremble in it made me want to scream. "Why did you do this to me?"

Kabir shifted, his eyes clouded with guilt, his discomfort clear as day. He opened his mouth to speak but before he could form a sentence, Diya's laugh cut through the tension.

"Kabir" she called, glancing at me with a smirk "I think it's time we tell Ahana the truth."

She turned towards me as her eyes were gleaming with cruelty "Oh, Ahana... my sweet...naive Ahana" she purred, her voice dripping with venom. "We've been together for over four months now" she added, as if she was revealing some twisted trophy, a victory she wore proudly. "He was never interested in you. Just your filthy little body."

Her words hit me like a slap, leaving me gasping. My chest was aching in ways I didn't know were possible.

"But you kept denying him" she continued, her voice was now dripping with disdain "Refusing to give him what he wanted, clinging to your pathetic morals. So..." she shrugged carelessly "....I took matters into my own hands. And well... now you've seen the result."

The world around me spun, my legs nearly giving out beneath me but I stayed standing. Didn't she felt slightest pity for me being a girl? Actually why should I blame some outside when the snake was only in my home.

She smirked at me enjoying every second of my agony and then wrapped her arms around Kabir pulling him closer. Without breaking eye contact, she pressed her lips to his in a slow, deliberate kiss, each movement a cruel mockery of everything I had believed.

When she finally pulled away, her eyes sparkled with malice, like she was reveling in her power over me. "This makes it the tenth time... or maybe even more" she sneered "You know exactly what I mean. Don't you, Ahana?"

Her words were a brand, searing through whatever was left of my self-worth. Each syllable felt like it was tearing me apart from the inside.

I felt my knees buckle again, but this time, it wasn't from the shock. It was from the unbearable weight of betrayal. From disgust. I didn't even knew that I...I was being played by them like...like a toy. A ragged toy.

The man I had trusted, the one I had believed would never hurt me was now nothing more than the face of my worst nightmare.

I turned to Kabir, my vision was swimming with tears. My lips trembling as I tried to speak but the words wouldn't come.

"So? Dear Ahana." his voice was cold, detached, devoid of any feeling showing his true self "I hope you've finally gotten your reality check."

A cruel, malicious smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. "I was going to break up with you soon anyway but thanks to you, you've made my job so much easier."

A broken laugh bubbled up from deep inside me, escaping like a shattered piece of my soul. Fresh pain twisted inside me— sharp and unrelenting.

Was I really that easy to discard? Was our love......our love.....nothing more than a game....to him?

"You loved me, right?" I managed, my voice barely a whisper"Then how was it so easy to cheat? How is it so easy to shatter me?"

"Loved?" Kabir scoffed, his eyes glinting with dark amusement. "Whom? You? The girl whose own family doesn't love her?"

The words cut deeper than anything else he had said. "How could you even expect that, Ahana Dey?" he continued, "Every single day, the same damn stories... 'Kabir, today Mumma said this, Papa did that, this happened, that happened.' God, I was so fed up. Do you really think anyone could love you?" His laugh was cruel, and it shattered me even more. "Keep this in mind, Ahana. you are nothing but a burden."

"I shared my feelings with you because I thought you were the one... and now you're using them against me?" The words came out in a choked whisper. How could I have loved this man? How had I been so blind?

Before I could process the overwhelming pain twisting inside me, Diya stepped in front of me, her presence a cruel reminder of everything I had lost. She leaned in close, her lips curling into a wicked smirk, "I loved your reaction," she purred.

I raised my hands to slap her, But before I could strike, Kabir's grip tightened around my wrist, his fingers digging into my skin with painful force.

His jaw clenched as he glared at me, the anger in his eyes making me flinch. "How dare you try to slap her!" he snapped, shoving my hand away with such force that it sent a shockwave of pain up my arm.

I winced as sharp pain shot through my wrist, the skin beneath his hand turning red, a mark that burned like acid. I stared at the handprint, repulsed, disgusted by the touch of the man I had once trusted.

"Get out, dear Ahana, or else..." Diya's voice dripped with mockery, as she climbed onto Kabir's body, wrapping herself around him as though she belonged there. "....I'll have you thrown out forcefully."

I squeezed my eyes shut, my entire body trembling with the weight of what I had just witnessed. The pain inside me settled, like the filthiest wound that could never be healed.

I turned and stumbled toward the door, but just before I left, I turned back one last time, looking at them with utter disgust.

I walked down the road, like a lost girl who was present but not really there, disconnected from everything. Each scene, each word replayed in my mind, echoing in my ears like a curse I couldn't run from.

'Keep this in mind, Ahana, you are nothing but a burden.'

'I loved your reaction.'

'Do you really think anyone could love you?'

'This makes it the tenth time... or maybe even more. You know exactly what I mean, don't you, Ahana?'

"NOOOOOOO PLEASE STOPPPPP... PLEASEEE!" I screamed, my voice raw and broken as I clutched my ears, desperate to block out their voices, their betrayal, the echo of Kabir's cruel words.

I couldn't take it anymore, my legs trembled and gave way beneath me, and I collapsed onto the road like a discarded doll. The world around me blurred, people passing by, some staring, some whispering but I didn't care.

"Why, God?" I sobbed, my chest heaving violently. "Why can't I be loved? Am I really that worthless? Was Kabir right... when he said I'm a burden? When he said no one could ever love me?"

My voice shattered under the weight of my grief. The tears wouldn't stop, they poured down like rain in a storm, blinding me, drowning me.

"Why are you proving him right?" I cried out into the sky, my voice cracking with every word. "Why can't I deserve happiness? What have I done that's so unforgivable? If my existence is such a curse to you, if my happiness is such a problem then take me away! Kill me! I'm tired... I'm so tired... It's so suffocating!"

I curled into myself on the pavement, sobbing like a child, broken beyond repair.

I didn't care who was watching....I didn't care about the whispers, the pitiful glances. None of them could feel what I was feeling, none of them knew how it felt to be so shattered, so abandoned.

With a strength I didn't know I had left, I finally pushed myself up, my body trembling with every step. I dragged myself home, my soul was already gone and only my body moved out of habit.

"Finally, you came, Ahana. I thought..." Mumma's voice drifted into silence the moment her eyes met mine.

Her words died before they could reach my bloodshot eyes, swollen and rimmed with red.

I swallowed hard, trying to push down the tremble in my throat. "Don't disturb me today, Mumma. Please... I'm begging you." I spoke in a whisper, like a fragile thread threatening to snap.

I didn't wait for her because of I stayed there for one more second I would've fallen apart right there.

I turned and walked to my room like a ghost. As soon as the door shut behind me, the weight of it all slammed into me like a tidal wave. My knees buckled and I fell onto the bed, burying my face in the pillow as the dam finally broke.

Screams tore through my throat, muffled by the fabric, raw and violent. I cried until my chest ached, until there was no distinction between where my sobs ended and my pain began.

Only my pillow heard them, only it knew how humiliating it felt to fall to pieces over someone so unworthy, only it knew how ruined I felt.

I hated myself, hated every single tear I shed for a boy who had treated my love like trash.

I wanted to remove every memory of him but I couldn't because until just hours ago... I had loved him with all my heart.

What kind of joke is that? What kind of pathetic creature loves someone who turns around and crushes them so easily?

You can laugh at me, The whole world can. Hell, even my own soul is laughing at me right now, mocking me for being so blind, so...desperate to be loved.

I clutched the bedsheet tightly, my fingers digging into the fabric as if it could anchor me to something real. But the pain didn't stop....It grew with each passing second, every second added another brick to the weight inside me, sinking me deeper.

I lifted my head slowly from the pillow, my cheeks soaked as my eyes aching. I looked toward the window and for a moment... I didn't feel alone.

The sky was crying too, maybe they are also feeling sorry for me.

Heavy clouds loomed like sorrowful witnesses, grey and swollen waiting to burst. And then came the rain, soft at first, like a hand stroking my hair. It hit the windows gently, like the sky itself whispering-

Don't cry alone, Ahana... I'm with you.

And for the first time all day... I let the silence wrap around me, someone, even if it was just the sky had finally heard me.